Thank you for writing this. I had a very similar experience, when I was in my twenties (also Autistic). More than twenty years later things are undoubtedly better — and I never became a “lifer”, more out patient — but living through that never leaves you. I used to be really bloody angry about that because I wanted to excise those memories but now it’s a chapter that I’m glad I didn’t erase. It was courageous to write this article, and I understand the palatability factor all to well. But good on you for putting this out there. I have a feeling that many more people will also be able to relate and feel relieved at not being alone. Jo
Thank you Jo, sorry you went through it too, it’s such a hard thing to shake off and writing it felt cathartic. I really hope so - it feels comforting and depressing that a lot of autistic women will relate but I’m glad I wrote it. Thanks again for your comment and I hope you’re doing well. Sending love x
I'm a new subscriber and I am so glad I found your substack. I deal with mental illness on a different scale and I think it's important to understand the depth of where the human mind and body can go. Your description at the end is interesting and it reminds me of when I had my first baby in the hospital. Nurses and doctors took care of us, helped us with this delicate baby. When they released us into the real world, I was so scared. They would let me out there with this baby, on my own! There can be comfort in knowing you're cocooned in a place meant to keep you safe and healthy.
Thank you Stephanie. It's something I'm so fascinated with because it's still so off limits to speak about in my experience. Society has started talking about mental illness in a generic and palatable way but it's still taboo. It's freeing to talk about it, casually, online with people who get it because we can say more than we would say to the people in our lives, there's no judgement, history or guilt. Do you ever feel like we secretly go through these really big, scary, life changing moments while the rest of the world just carries on. It's like 'no one knows what I've been through' - and that's a blessing and a curse?
To answer your last question, yes. After my 1+ year of postpartum depression I told people about it way later and they were surprised I was going thru it and I thought it was so obvious, like it was tattooed on my forehead. But then I felt relieved it wasn’t obvious but then is that helping me? When I go thru down spells I don’t know how to be in the world and maybe I prefer no one knows but I also think people need to know!
Thank you for writing this. I had a very similar experience, when I was in my twenties (also Autistic). More than twenty years later things are undoubtedly better — and I never became a “lifer”, more out patient — but living through that never leaves you. I used to be really bloody angry about that because I wanted to excise those memories but now it’s a chapter that I’m glad I didn’t erase. It was courageous to write this article, and I understand the palatability factor all to well. But good on you for putting this out there. I have a feeling that many more people will also be able to relate and feel relieved at not being alone. Jo
Thank you Jo, sorry you went through it too, it’s such a hard thing to shake off and writing it felt cathartic. I really hope so - it feels comforting and depressing that a lot of autistic women will relate but I’m glad I wrote it. Thanks again for your comment and I hope you’re doing well. Sending love x
Thank you Natalie. Sending love back. Rooting for you 🤍x
I'm a new subscriber and I am so glad I found your substack. I deal with mental illness on a different scale and I think it's important to understand the depth of where the human mind and body can go. Your description at the end is interesting and it reminds me of when I had my first baby in the hospital. Nurses and doctors took care of us, helped us with this delicate baby. When they released us into the real world, I was so scared. They would let me out there with this baby, on my own! There can be comfort in knowing you're cocooned in a place meant to keep you safe and healthy.
Thank you Stephanie. It's something I'm so fascinated with because it's still so off limits to speak about in my experience. Society has started talking about mental illness in a generic and palatable way but it's still taboo. It's freeing to talk about it, casually, online with people who get it because we can say more than we would say to the people in our lives, there's no judgement, history or guilt. Do you ever feel like we secretly go through these really big, scary, life changing moments while the rest of the world just carries on. It's like 'no one knows what I've been through' - and that's a blessing and a curse?
To answer your last question, yes. After my 1+ year of postpartum depression I told people about it way later and they were surprised I was going thru it and I thought it was so obvious, like it was tattooed on my forehead. But then I felt relieved it wasn’t obvious but then is that helping me? When I go thru down spells I don’t know how to be in the world and maybe I prefer no one knows but I also think people need to know!